Ease

Go down easy. i'm not saying give it up or with hold any effort, i am just saying go down easy. there's no stopping some of the things that are going to happen, there's comfort in trying to make peace with this truth. life is just as inevitable as death, we are going to live until we die and we are going to die when we do. there is no doubt there will be good times and hard times along the way of life and death. when times are good the easiest thing to do is smile, when times are hard it is easy to cry. we all experience life and death in different ways but there is no doubt we all get both. for however short, long, hard or easy we all get both life and death. i say we take hold of each with ease.

it is often in daylight when i do not fear death. i am trying to let go of the fears that the night times bring. i want to fully embrace the true message the One spoke after the resurection - "Be not afraid! It is I!" i can hear the words rolling off Its' lips, a dramatic excitement at seeing the loved ones after death. What have i to fear? If the One is willing to go through death then so am i. my favorite part of most of the martyrdom stories about the faithful ones through out the ages is not just how the died but how they lived. there is a flare for the dramatic with the One. It loves to tell fantastic stories.

there is no undoing our design; the System of Biology has authored a beautiful dance between us and It, and by us i mean the whole of creation. The One is the keeper of both life and death, and they are not bad. However, like i said above, there is no doubt both can be hard but as with most things we look through this veil with clouded eyes. is my hope foolish? i hope so. although my hope is foolish i am no fool. is faith a crutch or is it a reality, to me it doesn't matter. what faith, hope, and love are i do not know, i wouldn't begin to try and define them here. what i don know is this: my life is richer because they are here and because i have them, and at the very least i believe in faith, hope, love and The One.

so i say again, Go down easy. take a deep breath. remember what it was, think of how it is, and imagine the future. if there is fear that is fine, there is fear in me and it isn't to be ashamed of but it can be made whole. and if there is hope when you close your eyes then you are in that time when a smile will do.

i never thought i needed help before, now i know i just can't take it anymore, i'm begging you please for help

there's a quiet song rumbling in my heart, it wants waves of freedom and a continuos spirit of fresh start. i know i am in this deep because i can't take it day by day. when i think of freedom my heart groes light - something tells me this means there isn't levity right now in my world. every time i blink it feels like a bee stings me directly under my right eye. this i can deal with. i can't, however, deal with the sickness of the spirit. it's isn't a lack of strength, i need help to be meek. to say i need a loving hand in my life. the smell of lillac in my nose the sparks of the hammer on my skin.

i need the healing that only comes with being cut down. the rambler, the gambler, the back biter, the liar - the midnight rider, this ain't what i am gonna get but that's because, like John, on bended knee i come. i admit i am a gambler, a rambler, a midnight rider. i need the sweet salvation of assurity from the darkness, i can't run for long times anymore. my breath is week, my nights are haunted by a figure in black that has a touch much cooler than the dearly departed Man. a few nights ago the display on my stereo talked to me. it told me to do things, to go places, painful things, dangerous places. there is something in my house, and i am afraid, in my heart.

so i have this one hope, this one love, this one grace that can save me. there is precious little i can do for myself - but there is much to be done for my fellow man, for my love, for my Love, for my friends, for my family. so i will keep my head low and my feet moving. the road is narrow and the road is long, the rivers are deep and the mountains are tall but it only takes one step at a time. one more smile, one more mile, i don't think i can do things on my own. i never thought i needed help before, thought that i could get by by myself, now i know i just can't take it anymore, and with a humble heart, on bended knee i am begging you please for help.

Devil In a Blue Dress

Except for a select few, the multitude are nameless. And with those select few, i try to get them to join the others every day. During those dark nights they shined like a falling star awash in whiskey and ardor. Alas, there are so many falling stars i can't remember all of their names, their stories, or the lies i told them. i was, and am, a master at catching them. And, while they never burned my hands, i am forever burned in my heart. Like invisible ranchers, each left their brands on me. i thought i knew how to keep from being marked so, that i could be beyond the fences of the heart, but no one is. We leave our marks on each other with disregard for our own well being.

so it is, without question that is the story i tell myself. i think it is true. like so many drugs the stars call out to me. they are there, they are out there, shining saying take me, want me, hold me, tell me i am interesting, that i matter - and they do. Because while i see a falling star, something that will only last for a night, they see a chance to be loved, a chance for connection. i am the one who is deceived, even when my veneer intentions are what those stars have in mind, it is my lack that is truth. it is my need to be next to the fire of a star that is the true exposure. my need to be loved, to be wanted, to be held, to tell me that i am interesting, that i matter - and suddenly i realize i am the falling star. every time my heart turns i seek out those that will catch me. so we are all falling stars, some with greater ability for burning bright and attracting others into our spiral.

like magnetic north, my spirit leads me away from this cycle. i know it isn't good, that these and those falling are ephemeral. and if i wait long enough, if i breath long enough, i realize i do not need the flam of the unending multitude who wish only for the same thing. the flame is inside me, i carry the fire inside of me, and when i care to be at peace with the fire inside of me the rest of the stars ebcome beautiful, even those that are falling. instead of efervesence and ephemerality there is constance and eternity.

let me not forget the fire in my heart or the fire in those around me. let me do best to encourage the flame in all while remembering not to extenguish mine. let me remember not to catch the falling or become falling myself. and let me remember that a falling star is stiil good, it is just traveling very quickly on a path that leads back to where it came. that space is circular and to fall in any direction will lead back to whence it came. let me not judge those stars, or me myself, let judgement escape me in favor of earnest care and smoldering compassion. let all of those falling i encountered on my way crashing through the heavens be healed of any damage i caused, let my damages be healed too.

there is goodness in what happens, i bet you've got a story that you're just aching to tell, bet you've thrown some coinage down the wishing well. don't worry so have i and it's not too hard to bear, don't think about the money or the time, the way to making your wishes come true is through a common door.