Devil In a Blue Dress

Except for a select few, the multitude are nameless. And with those select few, i try to get them to join the others every day. During those dark nights they shined like a falling star awash in whiskey and ardor. Alas, there are so many falling stars i can't remember all of their names, their stories, or the lies i told them. i was, and am, a master at catching them. And, while they never burned my hands, i am forever burned in my heart. Like invisible ranchers, each left their brands on me. i thought i knew how to keep from being marked so, that i could be beyond the fences of the heart, but no one is. We leave our marks on each other with disregard for our own well being.

so it is, without question that is the story i tell myself. i think it is true. like so many drugs the stars call out to me. they are there, they are out there, shining saying take me, want me, hold me, tell me i am interesting, that i matter - and they do. Because while i see a falling star, something that will only last for a night, they see a chance to be loved, a chance for connection. i am the one who is deceived, even when my veneer intentions are what those stars have in mind, it is my lack that is truth. it is my need to be next to the fire of a star that is the true exposure. my need to be loved, to be wanted, to be held, to tell me that i am interesting, that i matter - and suddenly i realize i am the falling star. every time my heart turns i seek out those that will catch me. so we are all falling stars, some with greater ability for burning bright and attracting others into our spiral.

like magnetic north, my spirit leads me away from this cycle. i know it isn't good, that these and those falling are ephemeral. and if i wait long enough, if i breath long enough, i realize i do not need the flam of the unending multitude who wish only for the same thing. the flame is inside me, i carry the fire inside of me, and when i care to be at peace with the fire inside of me the rest of the stars ebcome beautiful, even those that are falling. instead of efervesence and ephemerality there is constance and eternity.

let me not forget the fire in my heart or the fire in those around me. let me do best to encourage the flame in all while remembering not to extenguish mine. let me remember not to catch the falling or become falling myself. and let me remember that a falling star is stiil good, it is just traveling very quickly on a path that leads back to where it came. that space is circular and to fall in any direction will lead back to whence it came. let me not judge those stars, or me myself, let judgement escape me in favor of earnest care and smoldering compassion. let all of those falling i encountered on my way crashing through the heavens be healed of any damage i caused, let my damages be healed too.

there is goodness in what happens, i bet you've got a story that you're just aching to tell, bet you've thrown some coinage down the wishing well. don't worry so have i and it's not too hard to bear, don't think about the money or the time, the way to making your wishes come true is through a common door.