When Was the Last Time You Journied to Moriah?

when Abraham heard the voice of the One it was clear in what It asked. "Give up the promise so dearly held let faith and hope reign still. Take your one and only son, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah. Upon one of the mountains which I will lead you to, slay him in My Name." Abraham knew the One wasn't joking, he knew He didn't jest. To call for blood in the Name of the One meant something was about to give.

as i think about Abraham's state of mind as he prepared the wood for the sacrificial altar and sharpened the knife he would use i have to imagine the soul destroying power of the situation. the One had made good on its' promises. even though Abraham had messed up and tried to rectify the situation and had Ishmael, Isaac was the answer, Isaac was salvation, Isaac was heaven. Now Isaac is not only being taken away but the One is telling Abraham to sacrifice salvation, legacy, heaven, for the sake of the One. take that in for a second. that's real sacrifice. Here is the fulfillment of the promise but you must give it all up to glorify the one who fulfilled the promise. if you do not sacrifice you risk it all because you are no longer faithful and you may anger the One who can wipe the slate clean. if you chose to sacrfice you certainly will be destroying the fulfillment of the promise but at least you will be trusting in and honroing what you believe to be the voice of the One.

now Abraham at this point in his life had a unique relationship with the One where by he has grown to know the voice of the One. but you know as well as i do that at one point on his walk to Moriah that he had to wonder if the voice he heard was the same Voice he heard that said Rachel would bare a child even in her old age. in the story there isn't any account of divine vision or angels - it says there was a voice. that's all, a voice, we don't know if it is the voice that is inside our hearts or outside as an audible voice - we just don't know. i believe the Hebrew translates as though it is someone speaking to one another, but how many times in this world have we heard about some nut job hearing from the One. can interest anyone in a cup of Jim Jones Kool-Aide? so Abraham's first contention must be deciding whether or not this is really the voice of the One, what's refreshing to see is that as with most of us who are extreme fuck ups, which i can assure you Abraham is, we tend to know when it is the Voice, and so he gets to gathering supplies for the journey. which brings us to the hardest part - the journey.

so we know we shouldn't have that next drink, we shouldn't take that girl home, we shouldn't steal that $50 outta that easily opened purse, do another 8 ball of coke, we shouldn't lie, cheat, or become the debaucherous hordes of Rome - not only that but we know what we should do, namely be good to each other in brotherly love, kindly devotion to each other, love for our mate, continous empathy for the down trodden and depraved, remember where we have been, always look forward and struggle for the betterment of mankind and ourselves, devoted to hard work, joy, hope, faith. *** Shocker *** We know this but to turn ourselves on to it is about as possible as getting every dope taking MLB player to just out themselves and move on.

i'm really good at depraved. now what i'm not good at is depraved indifference. put me in a room with a bunch of assholes and i will probably be getting escorted out by said assholes because i can't be kept from telling the they are assholes. i have a hard time being on the sidelines. i want to be in the action, for my part, what i can handle. what's troubling is that when i can't be in the action one way i find my way into action another. i will not be with out a demon. i don't know what it is. my hidden life is about being close to utter destruction and hiding it. my hidden life is about being captain of the ship and sneaking out at night while all the crew mates are asleep and sabotaging our vessel so when the going gets tough it goes really fucking tough and if we get through it is by the skin of our teeth which really means we didn't get through - it means i screwed the pooch and the One had to snatch the jewels outta the fire.

i know that isn't faith, but because i am such a snake oil sales man i sell it as such. oh look how close i was to hell fire but yet made it through with only my whiskers singed! faith isn't consistently jumping off of cliffs daring the One to put up or shut up. nor is that intelligence, nor is that bravado, that is called meltdown. faith is living openly and when the cliffs come jumping because they came to you not you to them. it's about positioning and dynamics. finaly i have learned something about poker and life and faith maybe that lesson is gonna be worth the eight large that ain't coming back. it's the gap principal.

the general poker maximum is "thou shalt not play dominated hands out of position" you can typically tell this by who is in the hand and how they got there, did they limp or raise? are they the blinds? are they early, middle, or late position? basically i can run 80% of the hand with this info. so the same hold true for faith and life - am i playing a lot of shitty situations out of posistion? if you are and you still have chips in play, stop. you still have a chance to not go completely broke. just fucking stop. i would rather see you go broke buying cheeseburgers.

but let's say you learned this, you had this epiphany early than this morning like i did and you have been living like Abraham. the One has shown up when you have had the hands good enough to bet, you may have lost a few but you have won most, and then the few times when the odds were against but you still knew it was the One you got your money in and Rachel got prego and out popped the promised child. you are faithful you are on that straight and narrow path and the next step as you here it from the One is to take something that represents all of the goodness of the One and burn it up in sacrifice.

it's the all-in bet except it's all your bank roll and assets. poker players will tell you to never, without exception, to play above your limits. ever. ever. ever. i do it all the time because i am a reckless idiot. and that is why i experience huge variance and swings. but real players say never under any circumstances play above your level. typically the rule is 5% of your money can be on the table at one time. so if you have $1000 don't play for more than $50 at one time, this way if you take a bad beat you don't step down too much. There was none of that in this situation. it seems like the One likes to build to crescendo.

i'm not saying that it's all about telling stories but the One loves to ride the edge, hmmm maybe that's where i get it from - when all else fails blame your shittiness on the One, It get's the joke and i'm sure understands It's full complicity in the matter. in epic manner Abrahams life builds to this defining moment, little moments of faith growing and growing until the ultimate bet must be made. will you put the entire promise on the line? let's ask the question in modern terms, if there was exactly one thing garuanteed to cost you salvation and the One asked you to do it would you? notice Abraham didn't consult, didn't read up, he prepared.

so i ask when was the last time you Journied to Moriah? my life isn't bad but it has been interesting. and i heard a voice today, but more importantly i asked for it because i hadn't heard it in a while. i needed to go to Moriah. i needed to pony up something i needed a moment of real faith, not something show boaty where i sabotaged the ship, so i did just the opposite. the journey to my Mt. Moriah is 180 steps away, that's 9/18/09. i don't know what happens when i get there. who knows if i get there. i hope i do , i hope we all do. i packed my bags, i am on the road, i have to go. i can't undo what i did. it's what i would call a forced Lent for a sinner who can't handle himself. anyone who's been in rehab knows me and knows who i am, you know how weird some of the shit that will get posted will be. that's all i got for now, sorry for the ramble.