Character

I was walking down the aisle at work today and overheard a few other of the cogs in the servo talking about a current struggle and how it can only build character if the struggle is scene through to fruition. There is no doubt in my mind our characters are fashioned out of our life experiences. Genetics may play into the field but mainly as an influence in what we experience. Basically who we are is a composite sketch of our experience - with a few overwhelming social trends, but the details, the wrinkles - those are ours.

So as i let their trivial dribble through the spillways in my mind i begin to ask myself the question of who i am and how much pain has shaped me. that thought quickly moves into the barter game. what would i trade of my character to get rid of the disorder or even just to hem in its' effects. i wonder how many homeless people think about what they would trade to not be homeless? i haven't the feintest idea for either question.

i wanted to go back and stab those idiots talking about struggle building character. take out my filed letter opener and open up a leg or two and then implore them to find the character there but alas i need health insurance and i would die in prison. i am loathe to shut my mouth or back down from a fight, one on one or one on twenty, it really doesn't matter. it's a shame i need the drugs and mris like i need food - somtimes those chalky pills are all i eat in a day.

i don't know a lot about things, i play like i do, but really, i have looked into the abyss, i have seen into the shadow of the One and i know the depths of the Real are so implausible i am refuse to speak of them. i long for that abyss again, i want the insanity of the maelstrom, i don't think i get it for a little while, of course that is my thought, i have no clue about the timing thing. who knows about time? no one that's who, get a physicist, a philosopher, and a priest together and expect flint on stone regarding time. none of them have it and know it. if they know it their brains are jello like mine. i didn't get the time revelation though. i got another.

so i guess i "know" a bit about something, and that something has shaped what i think i am. and those in aisle can have that sweet bread of their own existence.