it is 2:04am and i should be sleeping. that's a cliche in my life, too much typing when i should be sleeping.
it has been a long time since i have written here, i know why that is and i am not sure it has been entirely sorted out. i hope the response to this blog is with words. maybe i am a fool to believe words have as much as a real power as actions - maybe even more so. it is so difficult to live in a world that so easily throws away the intangible things. in a really strange way i hope i don't get any birthday or christmas presents this year. what i think i would prefer is on my birthday for my firends who are away to give me a call and those who are close to me to give me a hug and a kiss and enojy some food with me. for Christmas i want everyone who dares to celebrate the birth of a radical jewish nationalist who believed he was the only pathway to salvation, who dare to come together in remembrance of a man whose flesh and spirit were crushed in the garden and upon a cross - i want those who do this to know the man they celebrate. just tell me one thing about him, just one. and if they can admit to not knowing that much about him, maybe not even knowing one solid thing (like me) i want them to admit to one thing they have faith in about him. i guess what i want or what i am trying to say that i want, is for those around me during the christmas holiday to at least remember who the fuck it's named after.
so why am i here tonight? that is the question now isn't it. who am i? where have i been? where am i? where am i going? 4 questions and i don't know the answer to any of them. how did i wind up 26 and lost? how many of me are there out there? am i the leader of an army? did it happen already, are my general stars already pinned on my chest? if time doesn't exist, which it may or may or may not depending on how eternity is understood, then everything i am, everything i will be is done, i can not escape that which i will do even though i will choose to do it.
no one lets me fight.
no one lets me fight.
no one lets me fight.
no one lets me fight.
no one lets me fight.
don't they see, five times, five words, say it out loud, accent each word. who restrains you? your children? your obligations? your better judgements? what is right? hell for me is no sleep.
maye more later or earlier, the words don't matter. fuck it all.
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3 comments:
I was about to sit and write. I read instead. I'm glad I did.
The war is coming. It is brewing inside of each of us. Not just you, not just me. Not just anyone. In all of us. Can't you hear how tired the world has grown. How exhausted everything is.
Yes blackburn, life is hard...Yea Ja. life is hard...Yes G. life is hard.
Grab some little pleasure and own it for that split second. And when that second is done, fight for the next one, and the next and the next. We will not leave unheard.
we will not be unheard
J, your time will come in that valley, and when it does, there won't be a question of "no one will let me fight"; you'll just do it because it is right, and just, and very much needed.
And as for that Jewish radical, I only know this: He walks among us in the darkest corners of our hearts. He's there, crying out for us to incite riots, take up arms, and make our voices heard. Because, like Him, all we want is that global shift from this corruption and monotony to the clean slate, and all that is good and just.
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