My Hands They Shake, My Head, It Spins

i am centimeters close to becoming a vegetarian. i know all about humans being omnivores, how our evolution has given us teeth for cutting and teeth for chewing, and how our stomachs handle animal protein better than plant protein. i know all of this - shit, i like eating meat, i like the way it tastes, i like the occulant fat dribbling down my chin, yellowed animal grease soaking into a good bun. i love it. so why the thoughts of change? the easiest to explain is ecological. not only are our currents mass method meat/poultry/fish production unsustainable they are dangerously close to overthrowing a balanced scale that won't tolerate much more of us. but there's a sub text here, something deeper that moves me close to the decision.

i haven't killed anything in some time. i know i can because i have but i am not sure if i am willing right now. last night a family pet unintentionally harmed a newborn rabbit - probably harmed beyond repair. i can't help but to ask questions deeper than biology, chemistry and the mind. is there a spark of life, something different that lives in and drives the minds of animals, the minds of men? as i held the little bunny in my hands, knowing what i could and could not do, feeling shallower and more fragile by the minute, i was confronted with myself. i am wrecked and i might not make it, and to be fair i will not make it. so as i consigned myself to doing the best thing which was putting the bunny back in the burrow, hopefully to a willing and able mother, i could only hope there was a god of rabbits somewhere that had resurection power better than mine. i am afraid there is no corpreal god to save us. so we hope but trust and faith are hard to have. and that's why i don't know if i can keep on the way i have. i can't help but to have hope in the god of bunnies and if their god is my god then there deaths are my deaths, same with dogs, cows, mice and men. conversely, their triumphs are also mine. so where ever there is life i revel in it and where there is death i mourn. so now i am having to answer the querry, why can i kill humans easier than i can kill animals? is there something about the need to protect the unaware, is this what enlightenment, what consciousness buys me?

my heart goes out to you, what else can i do?