it's all crazy, it's all false, it's all a dream, it's allright

Hello. It has been longer than i planned. i think we are alone now. not really. we are never alone. at least not yet. i have done some careful consideration of heaven and hell. if hell exists then it is the state of complete aloneness. where everything, even the self, becomes seperate. that is a strange thought but i think it's accurate. if there is a Loving Merciful God then hell is not a place of unrelenting torment, hell is a relegation zone of none being, a place were the self is seperated from the source of all things and given back to nothingness. hell isn't tormented existence, hell isn't non-existence, hell is deep in the heart of God, a lonely place where only the troubled go, a place where solace is given through an alternate experience of existence. a person enters into this place and stays until the alone changes their nature. no one escapes hell but when a person (or soul) is ready it departs utterly changed, it is no longer the beleaugered, broken, bombed out identity that entered it. the soul emerges from hell fundamentally different than when it embarked. sorry i ramble. there are things happening i do not understand. i am finding this world less familar and more familar at the same time. like staring deep into a painting at a museum. the actual (whatever that is) seems to be eluding me. i don't know if my hands are real. i am deeply troubled by the things i have seen and notions i have had. and i have seen nothing compared to the visions of others. i trouble at seperating the self agrandizing bullshit from my true self. mathematics implies that there are exactly the same amount of answers as there are questions. i pronounce this false, there are far fewer answers than querries.