Crushing Blow III

i am at work so there is nothing i can do. i am fighting back tears so i don't draw any more attention than i already have. it feels like the reaper himself is slowly gliding his sythe through the right side of my head. it is indescribable. it's an air hammer battering ram, one stroke, two, three. a rythem of pain tomed to my breathing. i think of holding my breath long enough to pass out but i can't do it. my glasses are off, i can't wear my headset. no stavesacre coming through my earphones to comfort me. what did i do? i can't remember breaking any of the rules today or yesterday to cause this. no caffine no stimulants, i have kept up with my pills. i got my face shots last week. i did it right. then i remeber i don't cause everything, my actions are not the center of the universe. i am helpless, i am at the hand of pain. its long black thumb pushing into my ear. i can barely see to type, i can't lift my head to the screen, i don't know how this post will get published.

the hammers are gone now. my vision is blurry, my head is swimming, no, almost drowning with residual pain. it washes over me like a bath in the ocean, the waves almost move me in my chair. i sway with the comfort of residual pain. blessed the battering ram has retreated if for just a little while. it takes about five minutes from now to get to where i can work. it was bad just then but i know i can't miss any more time right now. deep breath by deep breath. i am never alone. keep waiting, One is right on time.