Hey Friends

What happens when the painting is blurry? i determined this place for things that are real, thinking things, off the cuff things, but real things, a place where i can find that groove and let the amble and ramble of my words just roll. a place for the living things. my other blog ( shameless plugs are everywhere but it is http://hauntedbywaters1.blogspot.com) is for all things creative, eg fiction or poetry. so we have a twisted fellow here who doesn't feel good enough about having his art next to his journal, well i guess you don't shit where you eat if you know what i mean. a little hubris but none the less this is how i do it. broken as it may be. i wonder where i go when the turn is living fiction. a friend tells a story that reminds me of a me i only barely know now. i wonder who i have become, if identity is a complete history or evolution or can the slate can be wiped clean through certain events. Maybe the mind is powerful enough to change somethings for good. i hope it is, i need it to be. for the kid whose neck i held a pencil to, knowing that i was one milliliter of adrenaline from punching his train ticket home, he needs me to be able to grow and change. for the women in my life who i am not a man but a devil, and maybe not even a devil but slime, they don't want me to change they want me to disappear and for their sake i will learn to be the greatest magician. for those in my life who i bless they need more of it, and i need to keep growing, i think that is the point, you are either growing or you are dying. plain and simple, that's the fact jack. there ain't nothing profane meant by it but when you get to heaven it ain't auto clad perfection, there are still fires inside and out, if you ain't growing and changing you are dying.

i feel for a lot of my friends, there is a lot of change right now, very apparent real dramatic change. i dig on it like growth spurts, i didn't go from being 17 inches to 6 feet 3 overnight, it comes and goes, sometimes it is hard and you gotta wear the high water pants for a little while, sometimes it takes a while to get used to the awkwardness of life with big goofy hand and feet. but that's how the Spirit tells me life is. we wander about all awkward and goofy trying to get used to life with what we have and when we start getting close we get some changes, we get em for hundreds of reasons more in the spirit than in biology but the point remains, we get em. and whether or not we want them they are here on our door step. knock knock. so change is a good thing just as much as it is important to be anchored to things deeper than life and death (mainly things deeper then death) it is important to embrace change and a non static life. - - - so observations - - -

i change this - i refuse to serve bad cranberry juice if i ever run a bar or pub, i had bad cranberry juice this weekend and it ruined the meal, there will be no cranberry juice cocktail, it will be the real stuff at my place. don't order a cape cod and expect something sweet, a cranberry gets you in the cheeks not on the tongue.

good friends are good friends whether or not you are a deviant, you may spit upon the very thing they love and they may have to curtail how they love you but they never stop loving you. i am well loved, if it hasn't been made clear by most of what i have alluded to my interpretation of Biblical pathology and epistemology is a little different. i need to learn a more graceful presentation, tongue sweet as sugar. but that isn't the point the point is that i am part of the Body and the Body is part of me. i haven't been cut off - and neither have you.

illegally at work.