be still. go forward on calm waters. smooth winds don't exist with what i've chosen. Aces and eights, rolled up queens over kings, a nice mark who likes to over bet top trips against my straights playing pot limit omaha, i hope to see again. dearest King, can you ever be okay with this?
i think about things like purpose and identity, the way you think i should. only when i go to the well of desire i come back with things on the edge, i like cards, white water rafting, rivers, mountains, snowboarding, motorcycles, electric guitars, late nights, early mornings, and to be fair i like them sober. however, when it's time to have a shot i want to have it. i need heaven to have stiff drinks and danger.
sueño de una aldea con playas y cervezas pero todavía no...
there is way too much more to go before then, that place, that life, that gift, that heaven will come, of that i have no doubt. a place of sweat tea, caffeine, cigars, waves, sharks, cannons, ships with sails, my love, a place where i can dream of. a place that gives me the grace to fight one more day of snow, to forget the fact that my face hurts like the violence of a thousand poncho villa bandaleros.
Jesus i trust you, i know you don't get tired of saving me. One, You are Good. i have what i have because of You. though i might try and piss it away, please help me to hold it together, help me to keep the whining down to a minimal and be thankful for the nights when i get to eat top ramen and bologna sandwiches. you are good to me. i breathe, they do not defeat me, she loves me though i am a fuck up. i have a job, i have a couple of good mutts, i am working on developing my career, i have some good mates, i have some bad habits, i think you have done a damn good job. Thank You.
so keep giving me chances. keep sneaking me in the side door and squeezing me through the tight spots, i will dodge the bill collectors and not make a fuss when i gotta pay roll with the punches, even to the right side of my face.
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